I'm still a freethinker

Managed to come home after the first day of camp. Woke up yesterday and my parents fetched Joel and Christel from their home to Cornerstone. Walked to Katong Hostel and assembled there. After some briefing and settling down, we walked back to Cornerstone for the first session. I found out that my sports shoe was spoilt and the sole was coming off, nevertheless, we were not supposed to wear slippers to the church so. On the way I tried to fling the sole off by kicking my foot in the air, finally the sole got flung off, but it hit me right on my forehead, how cool is that. I threw the shoes away, Aunt Lillian brought me Christel's, thanks. Saw a dead frog, probably stepped on, I thought I saw its organs. Gore.
I really cannot stand the sessions, you see everyone going down to their knees and stuff, crying like they've never cried before, speaking in tongues, and they kept repeating choruses of the same songs. They seemed like they were gonna stop and then the drum beats got louder and then they sing the song over and over again like it's not gonna end. I got really intimidated. During the first session, everyone knelt and cried loud, by then I already wanted to call my parents to come get me out of this place but I didn't wanna forsake the bonding time I'll get with Weihui. I felt really out 'cause I didn't know whether to stand or sit or just fucking walk out of that damn holy ground. If I were to stand, it'd seem like I'm the really odd one out with don't know hell how many people kneeling. If I were to sit, it'd seem like I'm disrespectful. If I were to walk out of the auditorium, it'd be awkward, very. I don't know what's wrong with me, I really care about what people think about me. And that's me, no one can change that.
After that we had games, quite fun. But as someone like me, with not at all a little bit of stamina, having all the fun would probably equates to muscle aches the next day. And I'm having them now. I just hate the feeling of blood clots in my brain. Exercising releases Endorphins, so I felt refreshed after somewhile of panting like a dog.
Then it was the second session, when the first session ended, I thought to myself that the second session at night wouldn't be so dramatic. Obviously I was wrong. People flooded the area near the platform again, the same things occurred as the earlier session. When people went down, I was like the only person stationary, like I'm a heavy rock in the middle of the flowing river. I wished the session could end immediately, at that very second. I could foresee myself not being able to stand the next four sessions we were gonna have. Sorry Weihui, but I called my parents to fetch me home. Sorry for giving up the time we could have had in the remaining three days. Sorry to everyone in the camp group, though my existence in the group wasn't at all significant, and I couldn't remember all the colours of the memory game. It wouldn't matter anyway. Sounds like a game of Survivor, and I'm the weakest player, ultimate loser.
I admit I did have a teenie weenie bit of bit of bit of fun, 'cause I take a very long time to get high with a group of unfamiliar faces, very. Or I don't even get high. Weihui, Janice, Sabrina, Valerie, Ting Xin, Yvonne, Dawn, Abel, Zairus, Leon, Jia Jian, Bernard, Paul A.K.A Deluge, thanks. Even if it's for nothing. Sorry for any spelling errors.
Then after I packed up, ready to go home. Sabrina and Janice talked to me about all the holy stuff, Ting Xin and Weihui sat around. Hell, this is the most embarrassing thing of my life I cried. Don't know whether it's the spiritual-spirtual thing like Weiyi said before if God touches you, you'd cry, or was it Janice subjugating me, maybe subjugate's too strong a word but she was like, "I don't want you to walk out of this camp not knowing God, don't, don't, don't!". Then she asked if she could pray for me, I really didn't want to be prayed for 'cause it ain't worth it, I won't be a Christian. In the end she still did, Ting Xin and Sabrina joined in, they were speaking in tongues and all that. I didn't know what Weihui was doing, praying or comforting but anyway. When I went out of the room I think my bag hit Ting Xin real hard, sorry. Though she doesn't know this blog. Yeah, I cried all the way from the hostel, to the car, till my bed.
So God's knocking on my heart asking me to open the door, but sorry, see that Closed sign? Save me another day.
795 words. So much to blog, imagine if I had stayed there for the entire 4 days.

'Cause I am me, and I won't change for anyone.

Don't look at me differently 'cause I'm from RGS,
it only shows that my aggregate's above 263.

I won't go to a church anymore.